uh i just wanted to post a comment

2007-01-26T11:22:00.000-05:00

i'm a loser because i'm a duke fan.

love,
jeff

2006-08-03T20:02:00.000-04:00

Today I saw this cute girl at orientation. I was so scared that I curled up into a ball and pretended to be dead. It seemed like she didnt even notice me as she walked by my body in the fetal position. She didn't even check to see if I had a pulse. C'mon. I think that me and her could be something.

Thoughts?

x-posted

Back.

2006-07-18T23:18:00.000-04:00

I decided to quit while I was ahead and stop blogging. Except then I realized that I didn't give a crap and I might as well run this shit into the ground.

Some mailbag comments from my time gone:

"Your blog is like milk. It got old after two weeks." - Duck

hmm that one is insightful and harsh

"I'm Sunny! I love you! I'm gay!" - Sunny

this didnt surprise me at all. seriously. is anyone surprised?

"You are a sexy robot that destroys humans for pleasure. You're also much smarter than Sean" - Your secret admirer

ha! call me sometime ;)

So. Expect me to turn this site into a wasteland.

Infected ... super powers?

2006-06-06T18:28:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, I was infected. Foolishly, I fought my infection with 'antibiotics'. While at first I thought antibiotics were a 'good' idea, I came across an article written by a 'theorist' that had 'sources' on the 'inside' that knew that antibotics were in fact mind control drugs. I began to realize that everyone was out to get me, I had to get off the drug. So, I did. As the infection raged through my body and my fever hit 103, I suddenly realized that not only am I ruggedly handsome and charming I *also* have super powers. I just want to conclude with: see you in hell, suckers.

Badass...

2006-06-01T18:00:00.000-04:00

Someone get me this champion for graduation. It comes with a battery, I have absolutely no idea why, but it's probably pretty kick ass. I wouldn't be surprised if it did freaking amazing tricks. For those of you unfamiliar with this badass looking monster, it's pretty much the spokesman for a popular campaign or something like that...about preserving kittens? Anyway, in ancient aZn lore this guy eats children that misbehave. Seriously, how cool is that?!

Difficulty in opening things ... Part I

2006-05-29T20:27:00.000-04:00

I discovered that I suck at opening things and scooping ice cream.

Whether it be doors, boxes etc

Lately, since my popularity has rapidly increased I've been getting a lot more mail and stuff. Or on a good day scholarship / college rejection letters. So I get my letter and well crap, I just tore it in half. I hate them anyway!

Back to point. I seriously think I have a retarded peformance IQ

Why are letters so hard to open? This cant just be me right? It just boggles my mind.

Sorry about the ice cream duy...

I am not a killer rabbit.

2006-05-27T09:01:00.000-04:00

There was some confusion last week, so I just wanna throw this out there

I am not a killer rabbit. Ok?

Anyway, I'm trying to some how work that image into my thesis.

Wisdom Teeth

2006-05-19T09:25:00.000-04:00

So I had an operation, and it went RELATIVELY well. I cant remember large periods of the day and heard I did some things I wasnt supposed to. Regardless, I'm better than ever, except for the pain.

For those of you uneducated about wisdom teeth, I've included an image from my biology text book with corresponding caption.

Bunny on rollerskates

2006-05-15T22:51:00.000-04:00

My title probably confused you. It's not on rollerskates, it's wearing a hat!

But in all fairness, President Logan is going to get taken out, and it's going to be sweet.

Things I should do to be less useless

2006-05-13T10:20:00.000-04:00

1. Learn to cook something.

when surviving in the wild, basic foraging skills are essential. I hope to learn how to cook something this summer

2. Learn forms of Linux

i'm not familiar with linux, but it just seems cool to waste hours on end trying to run some arcane form of windows. plus linux guys get all the chicks.

3. Read more

lately the only things i seem to be able to get through are picture books. however, i compiled a list of "adult" books on Amazon which I will purchase and hopefully read.

4. Get cool things

people with cool things in general are just less useless. maybe because they're happy and happy people aren't useless people? regardless, I want cool things.

5. Work on secret projects

this is the most obvious thing to become less useless. i want to work on some writing ventures that i started last summer but just lost the will to go on. i have a couple of other ideas but well, they're more or less secret.

6. Make money

people that have money clearly arent useless (not even you handsome athletes!). so i want to not get a job, cause that interferes with other things i have to do to become less useless, rather i want to turn around my online business into a money making monster.

7. Take cool pictures

i used to take pictures, but they were all bad. i only want to take cool pictures now, that will document myself and others being less useless.

8. Prevent Karl from world domination / Trick Santa

either of these feats would mark me in the hall of fame of not useless people. this might involve many sleepless nights, but i've seen it done. Santa is giving me loads of gifts next year

picutered on the left is an example of a sweet looking money making monster.

9. Update more regularly

people that blog often are usually not useless. thus far i've been an exception to the rule.

10. Get Good music

good music is better than bad music, which makes everyone happy. happy people turn into not useless people.

11. Trick my parents into getting me a car

i dont know anyone that has a car that's useless

12. Chill with homies

none of my friends are useless, i should learn from their work ethic to spur myself on.

13. Learn punctuation

there are seriously thousands of grammatical mistakes in my posts. when i learn the rules of grammar i'm just going to read my old posts and have a field day.

14. Learn a different language

Spoken language. I know latin, but in all hoensty, i dont think i'll be talking to any latians anytime soon. i know a large audience of my reading audience is spansih and i was thinking about making my blog in spanish...

15. Clean my room

clean rooms signify not being usless. right now i can really only identify my bed and a desk covered with tons of stuff (not cool stuff).

16. Learn to rap

...can you dig it like a spigot? Yes. Rapping is just so useful!

See you in hell, $%@#!rs!

2006-05-10T20:25:00.000-04:00

That's not what i said at induction.

YES COMP

2006-05-09T16:44:00.000-04:00

Who is that dashing rogue?

This picture affirms that I am an expert on noise and / or hearing loss.

And to put things in perspective, the man behind me is twelve feet tall.

Post for my homies!

2006-05-08T19:37:00.000-04:00

I just want you guys to know I love you all.

Lol bui has short hair.

Invalidate this!

2006-05-02T16:19:00.000-04:00

RE: AP Statistics

I'm going to be the bigger person here and admit that I discussed some of the multiple choice questions. Since I already broke the honor code...

1. IQR problem
3. General T - test question
9. Mean STD Deviation with chicken eggs. So many food related problems! Bastards!
17. Something about replication, blocking and one choice that was the answer
22. B
36. Something about Tree diameter and correlation
38. The guys name was Jeff, he wanted to leave as late as possible to get the school. Way to go Jeff! But his school starts at 8. WTF. I want to be THAT Jeff. Z test
39. The guys name was Justin. He runs pretty tight block experiments. Block experiments.
40. Margin of Error problem!

I really am sane.

2006-04-30T21:38:00.000-04:00

The above statement is true.

With that in mind, I want to brace you for something that may shock and frighten some of you. So please, take a deep breath and sit down.

Like me, our president has been cloned. However, the clone turned evil...

eh screw this. Here's proof tho

Current mascot just isn't scary

2006-04-28T22:52:00.000-04:00

From the previous post: The results were inconclusive. While it is clear that Craig hates many people, it was unclear if Craig does in fact hate me.

Regardless, that's not important right now. What is important, is understanding that our schools mascot does not strike fear into the hearts of our schools opponents. While most people consider a mascot to only be a small part of the game, the pyschological role that a mascot plays on both teams is incredible

I propose instead of using a cat or w/e the hell we use, we should use a Yeti. Not only is it stronger and faster, but is also misunderstood.

I'm tired and should probably delete this post, but instead I'll add a picture of what our mascot should look like:

To this date, a Yeti has never lost to a mere human in any sport

Does Craig Hate Me?

2006-04-26T22:28:00.000-04:00

You decide.

Complete the Loop ...Version 2.0....

2006-04-25T14:47:00.000-04:00

I feel that today is time to ask a very objective survey on my blog. Would you say that my blog to you has become

Less filling or tastes great

I have included a graphic for those of you that are more "visually" inclined of something that can taste the greatness.

uh and on second thought, dont answer truthfully

The things that we think about but do not say

2006-04-24T19:25:00.000-04:00

Nonsensical Babble

2006-04-20T12:51:00.000-04:00

Screw it. Who wants pie?

2006-04-19T20:15:00.000-04:00

I have pie. Lots of it. In fact, too much to eat. Even among the asian, the monkey, and myself.

Now, I'd give it to you, but first, I don't even like you and second I'd rather just throw it out.

While thinking about these truths, I also realized that you could make yourself useful. Yes. For every million new hits I get on my blog, I will give you slice of pie.

My problem is, a million hits every few minutes isn't good enough - you gotta get me more!

Pretty simple huh?

So. Get to work. The pies will be in the mail.

"I just realized that 90% of your posts are promotions for your own blog."

Even animals are getting picked before me =(

2006-04-18T08:53:00.000-04:00

I love baseball.

Thank you Purple Monkey Dishwasher

2006-04-15T12:35:00.000-04:00

Thank you Purple Monkey Dishwasher. I want you to know that you are appreciated, and the work you do is outstanding. Since my dishwasher broke you have been on your A game for a long time. This is a tribute to your tireless efforts to wash dishes despite the numerous bad jokes made about your purple skin color and less than 'enticing' profession. Regardless, you are an asset. You are a monkey.

Thank you Purple Monkey Dishwasher.

I'm Taking This Blog Hostage

2006-04-12T19:21:00.001-04:00

I've decided that this lame blog is taking too much traffic away from my awesome page. In order to prevent further destruction, I'm taking action now. From now on, I will run "uh i just wanted to post a comment" into the ground by filling it with nonsensical babble and random images*.

As you know, ever since its conception in February 2006, when Jeff just wanted to post a lame comment on MY BLOG, his influence has spread through the community, steadily decreasing the intelligence of every single one of his readers. Two months and over 7 trillion acronym tags later, Schneider has successfully hijacked our brains.

I have personally made many attempts to silence Schneider, but like a starfish, he regenerates his blog-appendages each time. Did that make any sense? Good.

* Wait a second...

Contributers revealed...

2006-04-11T20:28:00.000-04:00

A blog this well written is not just the product of myself, as shocking as that may seem.

I figure at this point I can let you in on the 'secret'. I have a helper monkey named Mojo. Normally he's pretty kick ass, except he's sorry that he put up random picturers of a cat in the last post.

Mojo in his prime versus Evil Mojo.

Regardless, Colby himself has also hacked his way into my blog to become a contributer. Those of you that are rather astute have probably noticed for several weeks that Colby is on the team roster. But just in case you STILL dont see it (about half of you fit into this category), I made a pic of it!

"I just realized that 90% of your posts are promotions for your own blog."

I'm pretty sure I have better ideas than this

2006-04-10T22:12:00.000-04:00

I entered a project months ago which turned out ok cause I get to go to DC to present it

This is a cat!

Isn't it just adorable

This sums up why I didn't post recently

2006-04-05T14:56:00.000-04:00

Clutch bumper sticker

2006-03-28T18:53:00.000-05:00

While suffering from my headache, I came up with a good idea. A bumper sticker that will promote road rage in a positive light!

Slap this baby on the back of your car and the next time you cut someone off prepare for a barrel of laughs.

::headache::

2006-03-28T17:59:00.000-05:00

I have such a headache, and since I know that you all care very deeply about me, I wanted to give you a visual representation of how I feel.

You can give me lots of sympathy etc

Here it is.

I'm so sorry inner child, please forgive me.

2006-03-26T18:52:00.000-05:00

This is a warning to all of those who have yet to have their inner child snatched from them. Don't see Domino. Don't see it.

The Mentor 07: I saw domino
J DS 2711: I'm so sorry.

2006-03-23T13:28:00.000-05:00

New T-shirt design. They come in boxes of 100, how many u want??

Help us... complete the L-O-O-P

2006-03-20T15:32:00.000-05:00

Many people read my blog. In fact, every day my blog is translated into at least seven different languages AND is already banned in China

You would think that my international fan-base would be enough to keep me satisfied right? Wrong. My blog still lacks a sufficient number of comments despite the large readerage.

I know that many of you are intimidated to comment due to my infinite wisdom. However, I just want to say that I really am a nice guy After all, I still let Colby hang around here. ::glares::

So my moral here is if you enjoy my blog, COMPLETE THE LOOP and even if you don't, pretend you do, I get very self concious. I don't look fat right?

Indian relatives... Super powers?

2006-03-19T16:26:00.000-05:00

LONG LOST BROTHER FOUND!!!

Get well soon Jeff!

2006-03-16T19:27:00.000-05:00

My most depressing post ever. I was sick today!

- <3,your fans

Happy 15th!

2006-03-13T17:38:00.000-05:00

As many of you well know, this is my 15th post. In the time we have spent together, we have witnessed landmark posts including LOL YOU MAD?????, the infamous wire monster, my expose on freak car explosion and when I actually found *gasp* JESUS.

I thank you for your support, and will continue to pat myself on the back at somewhat random intervals. I hope our next 23 posts are just as fruitful and include such literary genius as witnessed in my post 'Worst Cookie'.

Until my next post, have a good life.

EDIT
Review from my harshest critic and arch nemesis:

Arch nemesis: LOL YOU MAD???? was a literary gem.
Jeff: i felt it deserved special recognition
Arch nemesis: quite

My NET and Scary Baby III

2006-03-12T14:57:00.000-05:00

My internet lately has been going so SLOW. It's ridiculous.

^ that represents my net'

Anyway, I found some proof to my arguement that not all babies are cute (cause they arent)

Fugly or not!

The return of the .... ROBOT

2006-03-08T13:55:00.000-05:00

The dance craze that's been sweeping the nation is back! and stronger than ever!

LOL YOU MAD????????

2006-03-07T21:33:00.000-05:00

LOL

This man can kick your ass

2006-03-06T20:26:00.000-05:00

24 for 100% more time!

Sweet Tarts

2006-03-04T22:45:00.000-05:00

This stuff is amazing. I downed over 7 full boxes of this sugary candy. I've never felt more alive :-o

Freak car explosions.. and you

2006-02-28T19:16:00.000-05:00

I was driving in a car today, and as my mind wandered, I some how got to thinking about freak car explosions.

I'm not sure if they ever happen, but I'm sure that we should be pretty concerned about it. What would happen if your car just in one second looked like this?

Drive at your own risk.

Competitive Monopoly

2006-02-25T19:42:00.000-05:00

2006-02-24T19:14:00.000-05:00

Possibly the worst cookie I ever had in my life. After my first bite, I was so disgusted that I had to take another one to becertain. Sure enough, this cookie is rancid.

miss me?!

2006-02-23T14:21:00.000-05:00

For some reason I'm attracted to ceilings... so precious

Hotel Thingamajit

Uh.. random kid on wrong side of fence

Adding multiple pictures is such a pain so uhm... you get 3.

Nah I lied.

House

2006-02-20T20:53:00.000-05:00

Ridiculous.

... the model was a dude.

Just wrong on so many levels.

2006-02-18T19:08:00.000-05:00

Ahhh where am I...
On vacation..

2006-02-17T15:34:00.000-05:00

I found Jesus after all!

2006-02-16T17:26:00.000-05:00

Ahhh, what is that hideous thing?!

2006-02-12T18:23:00.000-05:00

Sweet fox.